Thursday, July 9, 2009

No bag of cherries for me...




That is how I feel about my life! Don't get me wrong... I love my son... he is my life... just other things in my life right now are extremely complicated. I have been struggling with a decision for months... o.k., I will be honest - for years!

Don't worry, it is nothing drastic like suicide or hurting another person... well, not physically at least:)

I am lost, alone, and sad for what may come of how I feel. :( And, I am not sad for me but for those involved!

I feel lost because how do you make feelings exists that never existed? Do you just continue for the sake of those involved and suffer?

I feel alone because everyone around me says to pray... I have, I do, and continue to, but nothing is changing... my heart is not in it!
I feel sad because I am not the only person who is involved, there are others lives involved!
So, you see, this is why I am in a funk, and the funk is really starting to weigh on me - physically and mentally.

7 comments:

Princess Andy said...

i think i'm pickin' up what you're puttin' down.

sorry.

and no, you shouldn't suffer for the sake of others.

if you aren't happy, your child will pick up on that.

@ some point the scale will tip.

have patience...you'll know when it does.

love and kindness,

andy

Nicolax3 said...

Thanks Andy, I appreciate those kind words! I am taking it a day at a time... :)

GypsyFox said...

WOW sweets, you are describing my life right now..I've been in such a hrad place for the last 6 months..well for years, but it seems this year hasd been the WORST. I am here for you if you need to talk honey! xoxo

Nicolax3 said...

Thanks, I appreciate it and I am always here for you as well... it is just tough, very tough... I feel like I am in a major pickle. LOL though, every time I think of that I think of the movie Dick and Jane and the scene where Jane says "I think we got ourselves in a little pickle Dick!" :)

Opus #6 said...

Sweetheart, this is such a tough place to be. Was there only recently. Something happened, domestic violence to be exact. Now I'm out. And everybody wants to know why I don't get back with him. Well, for the exact reasons you are describing. Back to WHAT???? But honestly, without that catalyst, the police literally leading him off in handcuffs, I'd still be there, sick at heart.

Nicolax3 said...

Sorry about your troubles Opus... you are stronger than you think! It is a difficult place to be...

Nicolax3 said...
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